June 7, 2015 @ _______

“If your presence doesn’t make an impact…
Your absence won’t make a difference.”

[Borrowed that quote from Bill Jordan – doesn’t he always share the best stuff?]

Wes, THAT is the essence of why this whole situation matters so much. You didn’t just float through this life. You didn’t have a habit of taking your people for granted. You played hard and loved harder… I absolutely despise having to write that in the past tense. Your absence is felt every moment I’m awake, whether it’s intense and unbearably acute, or an underlying and constant burning… and I know I’m not the only one.

You did it right. You made the most of everything you did and I just hope I can help Eden understand WHY her Daddy’s life matters so much and WHY we all miss you so viscerally.

I love you
-J

Advertisements

June 6, 2015@ 8:07pm

You’d be amazed at how much effort our friends + family put into bringing me a little peace and showing Eden + I so much love. Then again… we already knew our circle is made of the best people in the world.
I love you and I’m trying to honor our life every day by doing things as we usually would but I’ll tell you what – it’s just not right without you here, love.

June 1, 2015 @ 10:52pm

I read a memorial statement today:

If love could have saved you,
you would have lived forever.

It caught my breath because that is exactly how I feel day in and day out, moment by moment. I wish I could’ve saved you somehow – could have taken your place – could have somehow warned you that day. It’s amazing the scenarios my mind can create for how this could’ve been avoided. I miss you so much, with every breath, that reason seems to leave me often.

“If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.” Yeah, when I read that it makes me wish my love could have kept you here somehow, some way. It makes me wish I could watch you as Eden’s Daddy. It makes me wish her love + mine together would’ve let you stay until every hair on your head had been silver for years.

“If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.” Well that does sound familiar… but why? I know I’ve never heard it before…

“If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.” Lived forever.
You are living forever.
Not here, but There.

“If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.” Saved you.
You were saved.
Not in April… not your body….
As a child, by faith.

“If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.” If love.
You know that Love.
I don’t mean mine, but His.

“If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.”
Yes… I prayed we’d be old + gray together.
Yes… I “just knew” I was supposed to leave the world first after we’d raised our kids and grandkids.
Yes… I argue daily with God about this seemingly impossible new life without you next to me.

But I can’t deny that Love did save you, and I believe you’re living forever with Him.

I will walk by faith. I will believe until I can see. I will miss you until my final breath.

11062054_10155683724230541_7173495471171916192_n